As the morning unfolded, the normal Wednesday issues came up. Wednesday is one of two days we give out food and there are always those that want food even though they are not on the distribution list. Sometime all it takes is a few moments to explain to them the process. Other times there is no consoling the person wanting and needing help.
Today all it took for one gentleman to start yelling at us was for me to ask him at the door if he had the food card we issue to those we help. Unfortunately the yelling got to the point that we had to ask him to leave. He finely went outside and there he stood.
I came in and out with empty boxes for the next hour and there he stood. I thought to myself, “For someone that wants some help he sure went about it the wrong way”. As he stood there he started singing. I asked someone what he was singing and they said, “You don’t want to know. It sounds like he is trying to curse you.”
My response to that in my heart was “Hell will freeze before he ever gets help from us.” I guess you would call my actions self-righteous indignation.
Some more time passed and as I was in the kitchen preparing lunch for our volunteers I heard his voice again inside and there was some more yelling going on. Mister self-righteous put down the cucumber I was cutting and got ready to go bear hunting.
Once I made it up to the front counter I found him crying. I asked Eti “why is he crying” She said he wants food for Pesach, for Passover.
It hit me like a ton of bricks. I put my arm around his shoulder and could not hold back the tears. I told Eti to give him a basket. He gave me a hug and said he was sorry and I hugged him back and told him I was sorry.
It was that “still small voice” that Elijah talks about that spoke to my heart in the way only He can and reminded me that I had forgotten the mercy and grace He had showed me in my time of need. It was then through those tears all I could do was to say “Father forgive me”.
I had forgotten where He has brought me from, I forgot. It was that same love and mercy that touched my heart some 30 years ago and I forgot. I thought it was more important to be right or should I say self righteous.
Kol HaKavod v’Hashem